“I’m lookin’ kinda cute” so says I to my husband as we’re headed out the door on our way to somewhere. He chuckles, replies “Yes you are” and away we go.
After getting my swim suit on, I exclaim to no one in particular, but in the general direction of some of the ladies from my swim class “do you not LOVE this polka dot tankini?!” A muffled laugh comes from the lot of them and then that endorphin releasing sensation of the “atta-boys” that I crave! “Oh! That IS cute!”, “Where did you get it from?”, “I love that swim skirt too!” My 300lb ego has been boosted and OUT I go, all a flutter and feelin’ good with the other ladies to the pool for our aquatics class.
Hmmmm…I hear what you’re thinking right now, is this gal REALLY this self-absorbed???? My answer is a resounding YES! I recently read a blog on line about how to tell if you’re a narcissist and according to that article, I’m a complete and utter, born and bred down to the bone narcissist. UGH!
I do post pictures of yummy things I make onto social media sites. I love to see what people have to say about it, how good it looks or how tasty it must be. The comments left by friends and friends of friends make me feel good. It’s instant gratification to receive positive comments from people.
My social media is filled with endless photos and stories of all the great things I do. Whether it’s a sewing project, an afghan I’ve just finished crocheting or a counter full of hams I have just retrieved from my smoke house. You can get lost in the pictures and comments of (and about) projects and things that I do.
When I blurt out comments about myself as I did in the lady’s locker room, it’s an accidental positive affirmation for me, if that makes any sense. The reactions of people around me are mostly smiles and laughs. The last I knew, if you’re not happy about what a person has said or done, its more than likely you’re not going to respond with smiles and laughter.
I was born with an overabundance of personality. My dad used to tell me I was “Vaccinated with a phonograph needle”, (a phonograph needle plays vinyl albums, hence if you were vaccinated with one, you talked a lot.) To be quite honest, I’ve NEVER met a stranger and I am an extravert. REALLY??? Nothin gets past you!
All of that being said; does this mean I am truly a narcissist? That I am a self-absorbed individual? I know people who would tell you I would absolutely give you the shirt off my back. I have others who believe very strongly, that I am very conceited.
I really do enjoy doing things for people. When there is a death or an emergency, I’m all in for standing up and getting the job done and receiving nothing in return. However, If I do something nice for you and don’t get some sort of gracious reply, I probably won’t ever do anything for you again.
This means, unless I get back something for my act of kindness, I’m going to be unhappy, have hurt feelings, or even be pissed at the person who has failed to acknowledge my good deed. Then again, NOT acknowledging a person’s kindness could be construed as narcissistic. “I don’t have to say, ‘thank you’, she KNOWS I appreciate what she does!” AND “assuming” gets us back to the old adage of it making an “ASS out of U and ME”, at least that’s what the old timers used to say. Either way, to not say something as simple as a “thank you” is just plain bad manners.
So now that I have you thinking about whether or not you fall into the category of “narcissistic”, I also need to point out the negatives of being a Happy Narcissist. Deep down, inside, I don’t WANT to be self-absorbed.
Other than to put myself together in the mornings, I hate looking in the mirror. I see people walking past mirrors and taking long, sideways glances at themselves. It’s like, almost creepy, the way some people do it. That’s not me. I hold doors open for people, I say thank you. I’M the one in the checkout line who will let the person behind me go ahead if they have less than I do. I will give you my beloved hanky if you’re crying.
It all comes down to this. I have no clue if I’m truly a narcissist or not. I am, by no means, a perfect personality. I have my bad days right along with everyone else BUT, I laugh easily, I talk freely and I enjoy my life. Guests to my home enjoy being around here, they’re comfortable. I say funny things which make people laugh. I smile a lot and people smile back. To my way of thinking, there is nothing wrong with any of those things. If all of this means I’m a self-absorbed person, with a true “narcissistic” personality, so be it.
At the end of the day, I’m a cool person. I can accept the eccentric narcissistic person that I am. I can also look in the mirror and like the person who looks back. In my opinion, that’s the important part.
So, tell me, do you think you’re a happy narcissist?