DRY HEAT OR HUMID HEAT?  NOPE TO BOTH!

I was born and bred in SW Washington State, where we might see a weeks worth of temps over 95 degrees during the summer.  As a pilot car driver, I sometimes work in the midwest.  This summer, I’ve found myself  working in both the midwest and southwest.

After telling a few friends about my having to pilot super loads from Iowa to Arizona, I heard nothing but “Arizona’s hot, but it’s a dry heat.”  What the hell?!  Hot is hot, I’ve never cared if it was dry or humid. Boy,  was I in for a steep learning curve!

Let’s start with Iowa.  My first day in the South East corner of the state where the laydown yard for our wind turbine components were stored and along the Mississippi River the temperature was 85 degrees and I thought “that’s not so bad.”  Then I got out of my nice cool car and tried to take a deep breath.  The first feel of that humid and hot air took my breath away.  It seemed my skin started to feel sticky within a few seconds.  I could FEEL the sweat, starting to form on my neck and back.  

That first experience with truly humid summer weather was completely overwhelming. For those of you who were born and raised there, I can hear you chuckling or sighing a huge, irritating sigh. 

This was my first trip to the midwest during this type of weather.  I had worked there in the winter and loved it. I was used to driving and living in cold weather.  This was completely different than anything I had experienced.  I tried to work on a doily I was crocheting and found the thread just wouldn’t glide through my fingers.  My steel crochet hook stuck to my fingers and hands. 

As the sun started to go down, a whole new bunch of experiences started to happen.  Bugs that will eat the livin’ crap out of you in an instant!  We have mosquitoes at home in Washington, but the ones that are in the midwest are on a different level.  They’re tiny, don’t make a sound, and seem impervious to any type of bug spray.  There is also some sort of “No-see-um” that will chew through any type of clothing right into your skin.  After that first night of sleeping in my car with the windows down, I had dozens of bites all over me.  Even my little road dog, Dakota, had bites all over the top of her head like little raised pimples. 

Then I started seeing tiny little flashes of light that seemed to come off the stalks of corn in an adjacent field, which butted up against the parking lot of the truck stop I was parked in. Now I’ve heard stories from family members about Fire Flies or Lightening Bugs; whatever it is a person wants to call them. But to see them for real and the realization that those people who told you stories of collecting them in jars, pinching off their little butts to put on your fingernails or ear lobes as earrings were telling the truth!  There really was such a thing as a bug that lit up;  they did fly,  and I was scared shitless of them.  I just couldn’t wrap my head around an insect that really did this.  I’m getting used to seeing them, but it’s taking me a while not to jump out of my skin when walking Dakota out after dark and these little streaks of light flash into the air. 

So let’s move on to Arizona.  My first experience with Arizona was this: at about 95 degrees my 2016 Subaru outback decided “screw this, I don’t like this heat and I”m gonna make your A/C go all wonky on you.”  Which it did.  I had it on the lowest temp I could go and the fan all the way up.  Nothin’  it was blowing hot air.  If I sped up it would kind of work.  But I’m a high pole car, running about 3/4 of a mile in front of my blade and have to pace my driver with the load behind me so that I’m not too far out for them to hear me or too close for them to maneuver around an obstacle in the road or vehicle pulled over on the road when I call it out on the cb radio.  So this means my speed stays at about 55-60 miles an hour.  

I finally decided to shut off my A/C and put the windows down.  It was horrible, but we had air flow.  After a while, Dakota had drank all the water in her bowl.  She started drinking it out of my water cup and it went ok for a while.  Then she started to really go down hill, laying on her side and panting hard.  Our load with the blade and the truck is over 200 feet long.  We don’t fit in most places and just parking on the side of the road is a safety hazzard to the motoring public.  We had about an hour to get to our destination in Arizona, so I told our blade crew of 3 that we’d just push through and onto our laydown site.

We got to the laydown yard and I rushed Dakota to a friend of mine who was waiting with cool, wet towels and functioning A/C in her pick up.  I made a call to my Subaru Guru in Washington, who referred me to a Subaru Guru in Phoenix.  It was 113 degrees while we were on our way there. We finally  arrived that night and found a nice comfy truck stop to stay in overnight.  It was a tolerable night with the temperature going down to about 80- 85 degrees. For whatever reason, it didn’t seem that warm.

The next morning we dropped my car off at the home based shop of my Pheonix Subaru Guru mechanic and took off in my friends pick up.  We found a gorgeous park and went for a walk to look at flower beds, the small lake with fountains in the middle of it and for Dakota to run around.  I realized there wasn’t the hot and sticky feeling I’d experienced in the midwest.  My skin wasn’t soaking with sweat. It was very hot at around 10am.  I think it was upwards of 90 degrees, but it honestly didn’t feel that hot.  I just can’t explain it, I know it wasn’t just me, my friend mentioned it too.  As we were looking at flowers growing in outdoor flower beds that I can only grow in my house where they can sit in a sunny window; we also realized we hadn’t been chewed up by bugs overnight.  Not a single bug bite!  We slept in peace all night with our windows all the way down too! 

The only real bug I saw were huge bumble bees flying unbievabley slow between flowers in the grass of the park.  We saw warning signs of scorpions and rattlesnakes, but thankfully, we didn’t see any of those. 

We spent most of the day in the Pheonix heat, but it seemed like I adapted to it pretty quick.  Weird huh? It was about 105 dgrees, but with out the added sweatiness of humid heat it was bearable.  I picked my car up in the late afternoon with working A/C and we left town about 5ish to head back north to Iowa for another load. 

I have to say I know exactly what people are talking about now when I hear them say, “it’s a dry heat”  when talking about the southwest united states.  There is truly a difference between humid heat and dry heat.  After being in both with in such a short period of time,  I have to go with the dry heat of the southwest.  For me, it isn’t as miserable as the humid heat we experienced in the midwest.  Even though I live in the cooler climate of the Pacific Northwest, I found that I adapted to the dry heat of the southwest much better than the hot and humid climate in the midwest. 

Hog Line Fishing for Salmon in The Columbia River

A nice big salmon I caught while fishing with my dad. Late 1970’s

As soon as I was old enough, Dad started taking me fishing in the big river. I’d have to say this was in the  late 70’s. My favorite place to be, was with my dad in his boat; right in the big middle of the Columbia  River, anchored with his fishing chums, who were in THEIR boats and all of us anchored in a “Hog Line”.  A “Hog Line” is a group of boats anchored next to each other forming a line perpendicular to the current  in the river during salmon runs (seasons). Salmon are sometimes called hogs due to the large sizes they  can grow. If you caught a fish over 30 pounds or so, it would be referred to as a “Hog”. I remember my  mom saying, “The fall hogs are makin’ their way up the river.” This meant the fall Chinook Salmon  season was going to start soon.  

My favorite fishing season was fall, and the fall chinook run was the most fun as far as I was concerned.  It seemed like the fish were bigger and there were more of them. I had a love-hate relationship with the  month of August. It meant summer was over and school would start and like any other kid, I hated  going back to school. But it also meant I was out on the river in the hog line with my dad fishing for  Chinook. Oh! I would get SO excited about going out on Dad’s old Larson Boat. It was only 16’ long and  wouldn’t really be safe to take out in the mouth of the river due to it being too small to handle the  water conditions of the Bar. It was fiberglass blue and white and it had a canvas cover with see through  plastic windows sewn into the canvas top. The blue part looked like it had been dusted with talcum  powder because of the oxidation from sitting in the sun. It was comfy and decked out with anything dad  my needed while fishing. Some of my best memories as a kid were of spending time with my dad in  that old boat. 

Dad’s boat was my happy place when I was a kid. It had a top on it, so we wouldn’t get soaked in the  rain or sunburnt in the bright sunshine. The Columbia River Gorge has a way of almost making its own  weather. We usually fished out of the Camas/Washougal port. It used to be called the “Dolphin  Marina”, which I always thought was kind of a dumb name because there were never any dolphins that  far up the river and certainly no ocean water to keep them alive even if they did manage to make it. The  boat launch is located at the mouth of the gorge. On overcast days, it seemed like it was always  “choppy”, which meant there were a lot of little waves and swells in the water that would rock the boat  around quite a bit.  

On some of those cloudy days, the temperature would drop a little, a sort of mist would form a wall off in the  distance toward the west telling us a storm was coming.  We would hunker down, zip our jackets and wait for the approaching  Squall to hit us. “Squalls” were what everyone living on or near the river called these little storms.  You could see the wall of weather coming at you. It would get darker and seem to  change shape as though it was alive. The closer it got to us, the more defined the curtain of rain and  wind would get. We watched the shoreline slowly disappear as the squall got closer and it was a little scary.  

Right before it reached our boats, the wind would pick up. It would really start rocking us around in the  water. I would reach for the edge of the boat and hang on. The tips of our fishing poles would dip with  the swells of the water, but the sinkers holding our lures in place on the bottom of the river held fast.  

Dad would holler, “Here she comes!” as the pounding rain would hit suddenly and fiercely. The raindrops were huge and almost felt as if they were coming at us sideways. The boats would start to rock a little bit harder. After a few minutes, I would look up from my boat seat and just start to see a bit of  blue sky through the clouds. As the squall went over us, the temperature would start to rise, and the  rain would start to slow down. Finally, the hard rain turned to a mist and the air got warmer. After the  storm had gone by, our boat would start to steam as the warmth of the sun would hit it and evaporate  the wetness the rain had left behind. The waves created by the wind that we call  “chop” would settle down and we would continue fishing.  Sometimes, you’d want to grab your fishing pole and check your gear to make sure everything was ok  and not tangled up. Then back in the water you’d go, pulling up on the pole so the tip was up, and you  could get the butt of it into the pole holders which were attached to the sides of the boat. This is the  way our days went when we were Salmon fishing in the fall. 

Dad always anchored with the same bunch of guys in our hog line. The boats were just feet apart in  steady current. You had to anchor in a place on the river where the flow of the river was strong enough  to make the spinners on your fishing lures spin. The regular guys who anchored with us were Wilson  Kennedy, Eugene; the Indian (which is what they all called him with no disrespect in any way, shape or  form intended) and a funny man by the name of Joe Schneider. 

The place they anchored was in a very special  “secret” spot. You NEVER gave away where your fishing hole was located. If you were asked by a friend  or if you asked a friend where they fished at, it was almost considered rude. When I was asked where  dad fished, I always fibbed and told them a totally different spot somewhere on the river. My mom had  a wise ass streak a mile wide, (guess the apple didn’t fall far from the tree) and she would tell people when asked where my dad went fishing, “Oh, he goes somewhere North of Corbett.” Most people didn’t  understand this was a joke and would look at her with a confused expression. What she was really  saying was, the state of Washington is north of Corbett, Oregon and he could be fishing anywhere in  Washington and to hell with you for trying to get it out of her! 

As an adult, I’ve been known to lie  through my teeth about fishing holes and even what to use for bait; “Oh, I use camel turds and Baklava on the end of a ‘wedding ring’”. How DARE you ask me a question like that! What would make a person  think I would EVER randomly give fishing advice to acquaintances?! Of course, my fishing buddies  always get the straight truth and we share information between ourselves.  

Anyway, on the days we went fishing, Dad always had to get up and go way before daylight. This  meant getting up around 4 in the morning. He’d get the boat and gear ready to go while my mom and I  would get breakfast cooked and our lunch packed up. She knew our favorite sandwiches were Liverwurst with mayo. She’d throw a couple of cans of pop, a bag of her Snickerdoodles and some sort  of fruit into a little old aluminum cooler along with those yummy Liverwurst sandwiches. She also made  sure dad’s old beat up stainless steel thermos was filled with hot coffee and she would make another  thermos of Cambric Tea with milk and sugar for me. We’d wolf down our breakfast and head out.  

Getting dad’s boat in the water and anchored was sometimes kind of stressful for me. After launching, I  would have to stand on the dock and hang onto the rope that was attached to the bow cleat to make  sure it wouldn’t float away while he parked the truck and trailer. When he came back down to the dock  

where I was waiting for him, he’d get in the boat, start the motor and as soon as it got warmed up, I’d  throw the rope into the boat and climb in. Sometimes this was a little tricky as the boat would drift  out a little and I’d damn near do the splits climbing in but I never fell in the water, it did get close a  couple times though.  

After getting out into the river where he would find the exact spot he wanted; dad would shift the boat  into neutral and heave up the heavy anchor onto the bow of the boat and get ready to drop it down into 

the water. His boat didn’t have an “Open bow” like many others but there was a little door in the  windshield that allowed him access to the bow of his boat. To protect the bow from getting chipped up  by the anchor, dad had cut a piece of old paper machine felt that he had pilfered off one of his millwright  jobs at the local papermill, to fit the top of the bow. The felt was heavy and did a good job of not only protecting the surface  of the bow but kept the anchor and buoy from sliding off the slick fiberglass when the boat rocked. 

After he got to his special fishing spot, he was always the first one to anchor. Once in a while, he would  be the second boat to anchor, but this didn’t happen very damn often! I made sure my feet were well out of the way of the coiled anchor rope  that lay on the floor of the boat. In my over-active-kid-mind, I was terrified of getting hung up in that length of rope when the anchor went to the bottom of the river. I imagined myself with it tangled around one of  my ankles and being dragged out the little door in the windshield, over the bow and watching myself drown as the heavy anchor pulled me to the bottom of the river. Of course, this never happened and I was always very aware of it. I also made sure to keep my mouth shut and stay out of the way until he  had the boat anchored and secured just where he wanted it.  

He always anchored the same way. He’d slowly let the anchor slip off the end of the bow and into the  water; holding on to the rope as he let it sink down into the water. As soon as he felt it hit the bottom  and could feel a little slack in the rope, he tied it off to the bow cleat and attached his buoy to it. He’d stand  and see if the anchor was holding and look at the position of the boat and see how fast the current was  running. He then attached his home-made buoy he’d made from a small cardboard barrel and  expanding foam to the anchor line. If we had to drift down river after a fish, this buoy would not only allow us to  get our anchor back, but keep our place in the hog line. 

As soon as he got us situated, we would check our fishing poles and get them into the water and set to  start fishing. Most of the time, dad would fish with lures he had made himself. He had an old beat up  metal coffee can which held all of the spinners, swivels, wire and pliers he needed to construct his lures right there in the boat if he needed to.  He had differently colored spoons, beads and swivels from either the “Herter’s” catalog or from the old  GI Joes store across the river in Portland. I remember his buddies who were in the hog line with us  asking him, very quietly across the boats, what color the salmon were hitting on. Dad would cup his  hand over the side of his mouth doing his best to be stealthy and give them their answer.  

This is still a really popular way of fishing for salmon. The theory is; when salmon are spawning, they  don’t bite on bait because they’re hungry. They bite on it because they’re MAD! It seemed like every  run hit on a different colored spoon or lure. The last year I went with my dad was the fall chinook run of  1987. That fall, they were hitting on half copper and half silver spoons. He made sure to have plenty of  lures that were copper and silver. He was so particular with his gear too. I had watched him for years tending to his fishing tackle. The hooks had to be sharpened regularly and your spinners better shine like  a new penny. There was always a little tube of this pasty, semi gritty polish in his tackle box. You’d  smear a little dab of that onto both sides of your spoon and rub it around between your thumb and  index finger to clean and polish it. Then you either used a rag or if you were me, the end of your t-shirt, to wipe off the paste and finish polishing it to a mirror shine.  

When you got your lure ready to go, you’d have to attach an 8-ounce lead sinker (fishing weight) below  the lure on a piece of leader. When you were finally geared up correctly, You held onto your pole, put  your thumb on top of the line on the spool and pushed the button on the old Penn baitcaster fishing reel with your  opposite hand and slowly let the line drop into the water. I never remember him or the other guys casting  our lines out when we were in a Hog Line. You had to hold your thumb onto the spool as the line stripped slowly off the reel. If you didn’t let it out slowly,  you’d get a big old “Birds Nest” as my dad used to call them. This is  where the spool goes faster than the line can go out so your fishing line just kind of explodes and makes  a looping mess that takes hours to untangle. It’s also embarrassing as hell if it happens to you. Even  today; if I get a bird’s nest on a bait caster, I look around and see if anyone is watching me; to see if  someone has that knowing grin on their face that says “good one Dumbass!”. It happens to the best of  us from time to time!  

As your line fed out, you waited to “feel” the bottom of the river. There would be a bit of a “thump”  from the sinker hitting the river bottom and the line from your pole would go slack. Dad’s way of doing  it was to hold your thumb firm on the spool of the reel and lift the tip of the pole up so the sinker and  lure would drift down a little further. He wanted those lures out far enough from the back of the boat so  they’d be less apt to tangle with another fishermen’s gear. When he thought we were out far enough, we would set the butts of our poles into “pole holders” that were attached onto the rails on either side  of the boat. When the poles were securely placed into the pole holders, you reeled up a bit to tighten the line  and make sure the sinker was going to hold your lure in place. And you were fishing!  

We settled in for the duration; in whatever kind of weather, waiting for a fish to hit. As a pre-teen  tomboy, the anticipation and daydreams of catching the biggest fish for the day was almost too much  for me to bear. I could already see that slight flick of the tip of the pole and then the fish sending the  rod bouncing in little spasms as it realized it was hooked. Nope. We sat there watching the water, our  rods, the rods in the other boats and drank hot drinks that my mom had fixed for us. 

I always tried not to drink too much as it brought the fishing trip to the inevitable point where you had  to pee. We weren’t on the water for an hour or so, we were on the water for HOURS! Dropping the  buoy and going to the shore just for dad to let me out to pee was a cardinal sin when you were tied up in a hog line. The men  had no issues peeing when they were  on their boats. I would hear one of the other fishermen anchored up in the hog line with us holler at me “Hey Sarah! What’s that out on the island?”     and knew this was my clue to turn my head until the all clear “Oh!  Guess it was nothing” answer come back. They could all stand and pee off the side of the boat or into a  coffee can very easily; and without making a mess.  

Not me. I would wait until I was about to burst with my belly aching so bad I thought I would die before telling my dad I had to go. He’d look at me with that knowing eyebrow raised; a doubting expression on his  face.  Then, throwing his fist in the air with a thumbs up over his shoulder, he’d motion toward the bow of the boat and say “you know  where the coffee can is”. 

With my poor little pudgy legs crossed as tight as I could get them, I’d do my “potty walk” to the bow  and grab my 3lb coffee can. I’d drop my drawers and try to squat while hanging on and aiming myself  into the can. I got pretty good at that part. As most ladies know, we’re not quite “plumbed” right to  

aim when we pee. Oh, that wonderful relief of an empty bladder! At that point I would always  remember where I am; in the water where the boat is gently rocking with the current. 

I’d stand part way  up and very carefully start to pull my britches up with one hand while hanging onto a seat with the  other. I could not bear the thought of one of those men seeing my business and the whole time I’m  being very mindful of where the coffee can is in relation to my feet. I zip up, stand up completely and I  hear the can move. “Oh God NO!” I think in my head. I try to catch it before it goes completely over  and see out of the corner of my eye as my dad shifts in his seat. “Not again!” I’m pleading with myself  thinking, “I was so careful this time!” 

My dad sees what I’ve done and bellows “God Dammit Sarah!” and I swear it just boomed across the  water. His voice seemed to echo off the other side of the river. I just knew that there was a deckhand somewhere on a barge, asking his buddy, “Did you hear that?”  

This is when the men in the other boats would roar with laughter at the situation. I have no idea how I  would manage to dump that coffee can over. To this day, I believe there was an invisible hand that  would hit it and tip it just enough so the rocking of the boat would send it and its contents completely  over. I would stand motionless, terrified to move. Dad would look at the stream of pee running down  the deck of his boat, shake his head and tell me to rinse it down with a can of water. At the same time  the other fishermen, who had been through this experience with me before, started offering their jovial  words of encouragement; “There’s always next time!”, “We’ve all done it too.” Always chuckling and  knowing as well as I and my dad knew, that sure as shit, I would do it again. 

On the off chance I DIDN’T  knock my coffee can over, dad would look at me sideways and grin teasingly from ear to ear. The guys  in the other boats would see me leaning over the side of the boat,  rinsing the can out and offer their  congratulations for a job well done. They’d laugh and make their comments, all in fun of course, and  then the quiet of waiting and watching for that “hit” on our poles settled back over the boats in our hog  line. The sound of the water lapping up against the hulls, the feeling of bobbing up and down as a barge  would head up river sending the wake into the hog line of boats; I would look over and see a few of the guys  nodding off while the peacefulness of waiting for that bite seemed to mesmerize all of us.  

When a salmon hit, I instantly got a lump in my throat. My knees went weak and dad’s pole started to bounce.  Immediately he grabbed his pole from its holder, pulled up and felt the fish start to fight on the end of  the line. As soon as I saw him start to reel, I grabbed my pole and started to reel in my gear as quickly as  I could. This was no easy task. The weight of the lead sinker and the fishing rig made  retrieving your gear against the river current  with the lure spinning like crazy took some doin’, even for a tough TomBoy like me. I looked over and  saw the tip of dad’s pole dip way down toward the water; his teeth were grit together with a  determined smile as the fish started to run and strip the line off the fishing reel. He turned the teeth on the  drag to tighten the line a bit so the salmon wouldn’t strip out as much line when running.  

I was starting to shake from excitement and  my heart pounding out of my chest. Finally, I saw my gear break the  surface of the water, the weight accidently slammed against the side of the boat as I pulled it up and out  of the river. Dad gave me a sideways look and I blurted out “Oops!”. I laid my pole with its gear  between my seat and the side of the boat so it would be out of the way. Everything was a blur; I knew  exactly what I had to do next; get up on the bow of the boat, drop the buoy with the anchor tied off to it  into the water as fast as I could. As soon as I saw it hit the water, I headed back to my seat and sat  down, out of the way.  

The boat started to drift slowly down river from the hog line. I glanced at the deck, making sure there was  nothing which would cause my dad to trip while he fought the fish. He was reeling in at a decent clip  and then his pole dipped down and away went the fish ripping line off the spool. He was running so  hard, you could hear the line as it was torn off the reel  and down into the water of the Columbia River. I could hear dad say under his breath,  “You son-of-a-bitch!”. The line stopped stripping off the reel and my dad pulled up on the rod slowly,  but firmly, it bent low from the current and the weight of the fish. As he leaned the pole forward  toward the water, he reeled in quickly. As he started to pull the pole up to bring the fish in closer, the tip seemed to flick a bit before it dipped down hard and the fish took off for another run. It didn’t go as  far this time. Dad was able to start gaining on it and he got it reeled in closer to the boat. 

He called out to me to “Get the Gaff”. A gaff hook was used years ago to bring bigger fish into a boat instead of using a  net. They didn’t take up as much room and were easier for some fishermen to use. (Sport fishermen  don’t use them currently; I think they’re just used by commercial fishermen.) I got the gaff and held it  carefully off to the side, over the water  and out of his way. As soon as he was sure he had the fish played out, I handed  him the gaff hook and in one arching sweep the handle went out of sight, into the water and into the  head of the salmon. Dad handed me his pole and used both hands to pull the fish on board the boat. 

It was a beautiful hen (female) chinook salmon. I reached and grabbed the Billy Club for dad as she  flopped around on the deck.  Still fighting to get away, dad cracked her a good one in the head and she  stopped flopping around. Oh!  She was a beautiful chrome color, so bright and shiny! He said she looked  to be 25 or maybe 30 lbs. She was a little on the thick side, so I squeezed her belly checking for eggs.  A few very pale eggs popped out which was a good sign. This meant she wasn’t quite ripe, or ready to  spawn. If they had been brighter reddish/orange and had come flowing easily out of her they wouldn’t have  made as good of fish bait as they would at this stage. Her eggs would hold together very well like they were  and those skeins of green eggs would be carefully laid aside, cut up into 1” pieces, mixed with “20 mule  team borax” and stored in the freezer for Steelhead and trout bait.  

We had drifted quite a way down river from our hog line. Dad always had a gunny sack in his boat for keeping  his fish in.  This kept them from drying out. Before heading back up to anchor in our space, dad dipped the  gunny sack in the water and shook it out a little. He picked the big hen up by her gill plate and put her head first into the gunny  sack. The end of her tail was sticking out of the burlap sack  a bit.  She was a beautiful big fall Chinook hen! 

As he fired up the boat motor and headed  back up river to take his place in the hog line, my heart beat started to slow, and I relaxed in my seat.  Dad would look back every once in a while, to make sure everything was secured. He would carefully  guide the boat back into his slot. When  he got to our buoy, he’d climb up on the bow and snag the line with  his gaff hook, tying it once again to the bow cleat of the boat. After checking his lure to make sure the  hook wasn’t bent or needed to be sharpened, we got our gear in the water and set again. Both of us  would settle back into our seats, beginning to relax and wait for the next fish to hit.  

Our little celebration of catching a fish was to dive into those liverwurst sandwiches my mom had made  for our lunch. Dad had a little propane heater in the boat for use on the chillier days and it had a grill on top of the heating element. He  would fire it up and turn the flame way down low. Very carefully, he would put our sandwiches on that  grill to toast them.  When they were warmed through, we would sit there, rocking on the water, eating  our warm liverwurst sandwiches and waiting for another fish to hit one of the poles. 

Most weekends in  the fall and spring of my childhood were spent on the Columbia River, just out from the Dolphin Marina  in a hog line fishing for salmon with my dad. I don’t have to try too hard to go back to those times in my mind. I can still smell the river, hear the waves lap up on the sides of the boat and smell that good fresh  fish smell on my hands. I was the only girl out there in that hog line. Those men always made me feel  like I was one of them; welcomed me and visited with me just like they did my dad.  

The old ways they fished back then are gone. Modern salmon fishermen don’t seem to anchor in hog  lines anymore. Now they use nets to bring their fish on board their boats and technology helps them to  find where the fish are in the river. Those old days when I was a Tom Boy just coming into my teens  are probably the most cherished memories I have of my youth. These stories of fishing with my dad  have been told time and time again and I’ll gladly share them with anyone who is interested in hearing them.

A new career: Pilot Car Driver

A Pilot Car Driver?  Really?!

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In 2017, I found myself without a good source of income and thought “Well crap!  What am I gonna do now?”  

I was driving on Interstate 84 just east of Portland, Oregon and came up on a long, white, skinny thing on a trailer with regular looking cars in front and back. The semi truck hauling this trailer looked like a regular old semi truck, like the ones who have the big boxes.  But the cars that were escorting this load had amber lights on the tops of their vehicles. They also had yellow signs  with “OVERSIZE LOAD” printed in black letters on them.  They both had CB antennas too.  I recognized them as Pilot Cars I’d seen before with Mobile Homes.

I changed lanes into the fast lane and started around this weird looking and massively long load.  As soon as I started to go past it all I could think was “If that guy comes over on me, I’m dead”.  I don’t mind saying it spooked me a little.  I didn’t mean to slow down, but that’s what I did.  The Pilot who was behind the load switched over into the same lane I was in and flashed his headlights at me.  I had no clue why he was doing this, but I mashed on it and got around that load as quick as I could! 

I think all of us have seen the Pilot Cars who escort Mobile Homes.  These were just like those.  I had a basic idea of what their job was and I thought to myself;  “Self, you could do that!”  

Over the next few months I started to see more of these huge white things heading up I-84 and they seemed to come in all sorts of sizes and shapes.  Finally I stopped at the truck stop in Troutdale, Oregon and asked one of the drivers of the “regular” sized semi’s what they were.  “Wind Turbine Components”  he answered, just a bit on the gruff side.  Before I could think, I asked “What’s a Wind Turbine?”.  The expression on his face spoke loudly and I got back in my car and left the truck stop.

During the 1970’s, there were a couple experimental Windmills  up in Goldendale, Wa.  Their blades were red and white.  As a pre-teen kid I thought they were HUGE!  They made a “Whoosh, Whoosh” sound and it seemed like the ground vibrated a little bit. It was crazy cool!  After a conversation with my sister, I realized those old windmills up in the gorge were early versions of Wind Turbines.

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An old photo of one of the Wind Turbines in the Goldendale, Wa hills circa 1978

I started looking around on the internet and found out what a modern day wind turbine was, how they were made, what the parts were and most of all, how they transported them.  Then I started to research how to become a Pilot Car Driver in Washington State, where I live.  

The biggest thing I learned,  and damned quick, is there aren’t any classes ANYWHERE that a person signs up for and takes that teaches you HOW to become a Pilot Car Driver.  This industry is based literally on the “School of Hard Knocks”.  

The first thing I had to do was to get a certification to operate a Pilot Car.  In Washington State the only place to get one was located north of Seattle. I was able to sign up  and pay my $300 fee online for the course  well in advance of when I had to actually attend it.  I received a study guide in the mail and started studying.  Now this was in 2018 and before “On-Line classes” or “Zoom” meetings  were even a thing.  Needless to say if you needed to get a new certification or renew your old one, you had to find a place to go to a class and not every state had a testing facility.

I  live near the Columbia River, which is our state’s southern border and had to go within about an hour of our northern border.  This meant I had to travel some 200 miles to get to the testing facility and spend a day in class.  At that time, 200 miles was a long way to drive so I decided to head up there the day before, get a motel and be ready to go the next morning.  

I arrived early and there were already a few vehicles there. More people started to arrive in all types of Pilot Cars.  Passenger vehicles, Pick-ups, full size and minivans of all conditions were pulling in and parking.  A few of these Pilots were getting out of their vehicles as though they had stayed the night in their rigs, right there in the parking lot!  It kind of took me aback and made me a little curious.  There was time before class where people greeted other Pilots they knew and pretty much every one visited with everyone else.  I stood there listening and soaking in as much info as I could.  

Then I noticed the license plates.  Very few were from Washington State.  They were from all over, there were even rigs with Texas plates.  I actually laughed about it and said something to one of the gentlemen standing next to me.  He nonchalantly said “Oh yeah, we’re from all over.” He asked  if this was my first time getting my certification. Now, I’m sure by the expression on my face and the way I was gawking at all the rigs,  I didn’t have to say yes, but I did.  He chuckled and said “Welcome to the game!”.  

What an understatement.

Somewhere in a state that I didn’t need to run with my top sign up.

The class lasted about 8 hours.  There was a test that had about 50 questions on it.  They went over required equipment, safety, flagging basics, Oversize Load Permits etc.  It was all super basic information about communicating with your team and how to keep the “Motoring Public” safe when traveling near and around an  oversized load.  

I really learned more about the job and what I needed to do to be ready to hit the road from listening and chatting with people who were in the class.  There was a chapter in the study guide listing the basic equipment I needed to buy.  There was also a little blurb about insurance.  Standard car insurance wasn’t gonna cut it.  In fact if I didn’t have commercial insurance, there wouldn’t be any of the heavy haul companies  who would even talk to me.

After taking and passing my Pilot Car Certification test I drove home.  The next day I started researching where to get my needed equipment for the vehicle and try to figure out what my options were for the insurance.  

I was able to order most of the things I needed through Amazon.  My first amber light bar was 18” long and plugged into my cigarette lighter.  It had magnets to hold it onto the roof of my truck.  I ordered 18” orange flags on wooden dowels, an 18” stop/slow paddle, A yellow high-viz construction vest, first aid kit, a handheld cb radio, a set of 3 collapsible triangles, 2 “OVERSIZE LOAD” banners and 3 orange plastic cones.  About $300 later I had most of my basic equipment to get me going. 

I picked up a fire extinguisher at Costco and I had an old beat up CB radio and antenna up in our family’s shop.  I was shocked when I hooked it up in my truck and the damn thing actually turned on.  As a CB’er in the ‘80s, I had a pretty good working knowledge of how to get it set up and how to use it.  

My current CB, a “President Bill” by President radios. Above that is the controller for my amber light bar. To the left of that is an external speaker for the CB.

I fiddled around with it in my driveway talking to local logging and construction truck drivers.  It got out really good for its age and I was able to hear the drivers who were responding to me pretty well too.  

Thank god for Google!  I started looking for Commercial Insurance Companies and making calls.  After a morning of phone calls and a couple pots of coffee this is what I found out. 

Finding insurance companies who cover Pilot Cars were few and far between.  They were also ungodly expensive.  But I finally found a company up near Seattle that worked with a lot of logging companies and they insured Pilot Cars. I had a 2003 Ford F150 Crew cab and the commercial insurance for the year was over $3500.  I found out later that amount was pretty cheap.  I was in my early 50’s and had a perfect driving record. 

I then learned I needed to have a business license.  OIY!  I was really overwhelmed at the amount of paperwork it took to get it.  I worked for 3 days solid and had finally figured out a name I wanted for my business, got my business license application turned into the state and filed for my IRS tax ID number.  About $500 later I felt good about my accomplishments.

But WAIT!  I had no one to work for! I looked up a few companies who transported Oversize loads and they all said they went through “Brokers” for their Pilots.  So I naively started my new entrepreneurial endeavor working for an unscrupulous broker I had met while taking my Certification Course.  What a nightmare THAT turned out to be!  He charged me a 25% broker fee, gave me absolutely no guidance and ended up owing me over $2500 after 3 months of working.  I decided right there and then I wouldn’t be working for any broker based on this experience. 

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A great example of an overheight load with its pole car out front. *Thanks to one of my O/S drivers, Scott from Indiana for the image.

So once again, I had no one to work for.  Well, Martha shit the damn bed!  Back to the truck stop in Troutdale I went.  There were quite a few Oversize loads parked behind the store  and If I saw the driver was sitting in their seat, and awake,  I’d ask if I could pick their brains about Piloting.  I can’t remember a single driver turning me down when I asked them about the Oversize/Over Dimensional trucking industry.  Sometimes it  was the opposite.  I could hardly get away from them!  

I started taking notes and writing down the Company names from the sides of these trucks.  Then I saw a weird looking trailer that had a sort of half round and lumpy thing on it. It was covered with white shrink wrap and as I drove over to it I saw the word “Goldwind” printed in blue letters on the plastic and realized this had to be a wind component.  Turns out it was a “Hub”.  This is the part that the turbine blades are bolted onto. 

That one driver, who took time out of his day to talk to me about Piloting Wind Components literally changed the course of my Piloting career and was a key part of my becoming a Pilot Car Driver for Wind Energy.  I can’t remember his name or who he drove for and I’ve never seen him again. 

Since then, I’ve been as far as Western Tennessee, Escorted Blades out of the Port of Houston, Texas, ran with components into Alberta, Canada and all over the midwest.   I’ve made a pretty good living out of Piloting and met/made friends with some really extraordinary people from all walks of life and from all over the United States and Canada. 

Getting ready to head out for a night move. The lighted sign is a Canadian style top sign. The white pole is my “height pole” or “high pole” set to 6″ above the height of the pole.

I’ve been Piloting pretty much just in Wind Energy. It’s not that I’m opposed to Piloting other types of Oversize/Overdimensional loads;  I just really enjoy wind loads.  Most of them are classified as “Super Loads”  which are most commonly over 16” wide, 16” high’ at least 125” long and 200,000lbs or above.  

No matter how many times I see these monster sized component loads,  I’m blown away by them.  Just the logistics it takes to get them from one place to another is mind-boggling. When you add the amount of people involved in getting them transported, the crews and equipment it takes to not only load them on and off the trailers but the people involved in actually putting all the pieces together and getting them set up in the wind farms, it’s really unbelievable. 

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Wind Turbine components on a wind farm sitting at the foot of a tower waiting for the blades to arrive so the techs can finish the Turbine installation.

I got side tracked there and all that mess will be saved for another blog post.  Piloting is definitely not for everyone.  I’ve learned how to save my money for lean times.  I’ve had to learn how to pee between the open doors on my rig as with these loads there isn’t always a restroom readily available.  I’ve learned how to deal with different types of personalities which has made me a much more tolerant person.  The endless waiting for permits has taught me patience.  But I think the biggest thing I’ve gotten out of piloting is this: it’s truly a way of life.  When people ask what I do for work, I tell them I’m a Pilot Car Driver.  Most people look at me a little on the befuddled side and say “Oh”.  It always makes me chuckle.

Keep an eye out for more posts on piloting.  

Pilot Car (PEVO) Lingo

“You gotta run the zipper across this bridge”, “We’re gonna have to shoo-fly this pork chop to make it around the left turn”

This is a partial list of Lingo used while piloting oversize/over dimensional loads to help out new PEVO’s who are unfamiliar with industry specific Lingo. Most of these terms are used continually by all members of an oversize crew including the truck driver, front door/pole car, back door and steerman.

PILOT CAR LINGO

Every industry has its own lingo and Oversize/Over dimensional Pilot Car Drivers are no different.  This mostly incomplete list will give the Pilot Car Driver, AKA Escort, AKA PEVO (Pilot Escort Vehicle Operator) a good working knowledge of commonly used Oversize terms used to perform your duties as a Pilot Car driver along with some lesser used terms.

There are no training classes per se.  Other than the instruction and testing you’ll get when you go through your PEVO certification course; this industry is pretty much all “school of hard knocks” e.g. learning as you go along. This glossary of Pilot Car terms is to help Newbie Pilots.  To help them navigate their first few trips until saying these well recognized terms not only helps you to familiarize yourself but it will help you to become a valuable part of any Oversize team.

FOUR Any 4 wheeled passenger vehicle driven by a regular motorist.

TAG A trailer being towed behind a vehicle.  e.g., “4 with a tag on the shoulder”

ALLIGATOR More commonly called a GATOR.  These are shredded pieces of tires laying in or along the side of the road.  *When the tread is facing up, they resemble the backs of alligators.

MUSTARD The yellow striping to the left of lane 1. *The inside or left lane.

FOG LINE The white line at the right edge of the outside right lane (on multiple lane roads) or at the right side of the lane you are traveling in.

ZIPPER The broken lines separating the lanes or 2 way traffic.

UP Used by the Chase car or Steerman to let the driver know a vehicle is going to pass the load. e.g. “4 and a tag “up”.

18 A Semi truck. Regular sized semi tractor/trailers have 18 wheels.

WIGGLE- WAGON    A semi with 2 trailers.  In Canada these are referred to as “B-Trains”.

PARKING LOT    A semi that hauls passenger vehicles.

BACK DOOR    Another name for a Chase Pilot Car. Always at the back of the load. Blocks traffic in lanes when the driver has to change lanes, letting your driver know of approaching traffic that may interfere with the safe travel of the load.  The back door also calls out distances of the back axles to the edge of the shoulder on turns when there is no Steerman.  *Ask your driver what he/she wants called out.

STEERMAN Also a Chase but their main responsibility as the Steerman is always being located at the back of the load when rolling to allow for Steering the load. Their duties also include helping to Load/Unload. 

LEAD Also known  as the FRONT DOOR Pilot Car.  Duties include reading the permit for routing and pertinent information for the load, instructing the driver/team on turns, warning the driver of obstacles whether in the lane of travel or on the shoulder in which the load has to change lanes or maneuver to get around, accidents, animals entering the roadway etc.  *Always ask  your driver what they want called out.  

WEIGH STATION   Also known as a “SCALE or CHICKEN SHACK”. Normally all oversize loads will have to enter the scale unless it’s on your permit to bypass it due to permanent closure or construction. You’ll see an illuminated red/green  sign with “open” or “closed”.  It’ll be about a mile before the scale.  Whether the sign reads open or closed, call it out to your team. When you enter,  DO NOT DRIVE ACROSS  the scale.  There’ll be a by-pass lane usually to the left of the scale lane, use this lane for going through the scale. 

PORK CHOP  Pork chops are small islands that help separate oncoming turn lanes from other turning lanes.  They’re found at intersections and usually have a stop sign on them.  These small islands look like pork chops.

SHOO-FLY This maneuver involves making a wrong-way turn into the oncoming traffic lane when the turn is too tight or there are obstacles keeping you from making the turn the lane you are traveling in.  This often involves an intersection with a PORK CHOP.

GYPSY WAGON A RV or towable camper rig.

SPLITTING LANES   This maneuver involves your driver to drive over the top of the ZIPPER separating 2 lanes.  Wider loads may choose to do this in heavy traffic. *This is also called RUNNING THE ZIPPER.

CENTER UP This maneuver is literally what it says.  It’s used when going through narrower portions of the roadway or across bridges.

OUT This term is specifically for LEAD/POLE CARS    “You’re too far OUT”, meaning too far away from the load.  “You need to get OUT further”.  Meaning you’re too close to the load.

DOWN THE BELLY Meaning down the center of the lane you are traveling in.  “metal debris “down the belly

As I said before, this is by no means a complete list of the lingo used in the Oversized/Over dimensional industry.  I can imagine some of these terms sound silly or make no sense to a new pilot but believe me, before you know it you’re going to be using them in normal conversations you have while on the job and may even slip and use them when talking to friends or family while explaining your day as a PEVO.  Piloting is not an exact science and talking to 5 different pole cars about how to perform their duties will give you 5 different answers.  

My best advice to a Newbie is to take everything in;  pretty soon you’ll figure out what is valuable information and what isn’t.  NO QUESTION IS A DUMB QUESTION!  

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Curious Horses checking me out in Dubois, Idaho

Pot Holders made for BIG hands

Stitches used: Slip Stitch, half double crochet, double crochet

Why are manufactured pot holders so little and thin? If you grab a hot pan out of the oven in MY kitchen, by God and sunny Jesus you are NOT gonna burn your hand!

I have a lot of scrap yarn left over from my various crochet projects. I save every bit of it too! It gets rolled up into little balls and stuffed into an old beat up Safeway paper grocery bag. I keep all sized pieces of yarn from a yard long and up. The little bitty pieces, get tied end to end and then rolled into a ball about the size of an orange. I use this ball for small projects that provide me with what I call “Instant Gratification Projects”.

Instant Gratification Projects take about as long to make as an episode of “Coach” lasts. They take zero thought and even less effort. Most all of us who these projects cause they’re done in a flash and you can look at the finished product and say to yourself “Looky what I did!?”.

Does that sound silly? Well, duh! Of course it does but the big take away is the Gratification of finishing a project. No matter how big, or in this case, how small. It may just be a scrap granny square that you add to a pile of other scrap granny squares to crochet together to make a scrap blanket with but you’ve finished it in no time! *please take into consideration all of us have projects sitting somewhere in a bag that’re only partly complete, that we’ll get to “tomorrow”.

Enter the homemade, crocheted Pot Holder. The method I use to make these is now referred to as “Free-form” crochet. I used to call it “winging it” as I’m sure most other old timers did. Free-form crochet doesn’t require a pattern no matter what you want to make. I guess this is Free-form crochet in it’s simplest form and you really don’t need a pattern to make these but you need a basic idea in your head of how you want it to look. I keep all the extra motifs, granny squares, parts of crocheted borders I’ve made up to see if I like them etc in a zip lock bag just to use for pot holders. If you don’t have any extra parts crocheted and stashed somewhere; grab your favorite hook, make a chain or circle or whatever turns your crank and just start to crochet!

Even beginners know a few stitches. It hasn’t got to be fancy, don’t chew on what or how you’re gonna do it, but here is the important thing to remember that a lot of us overlook when making these; SAFETY!

Size and Thickness *insert 12 year old giggle here*. It’s true though, when I grab for a pot holder in my kitchen, it’s to pull out a 400+ degree metal pan from the oven to get on the counter quick. I want to make sure I don’t burn my hand or my pretty counter tops.

Crochet a shape, lay it down and put your hand in the middle of it. If your fingers hang over the edge of your crocheted piece, you got a ways to go! I always make sure I have at least 2″ of space bigger than the size of my hand. I have sausage fingers, pure and simple. If it’s a horse call it a horse. Occasionally, people with bigger hands than me have to get something out of my oven. Mostly I worry about a man or Amazon size Lady Friend. It doesn’t matter who it is, I don’t want someone burning their hand using a pot holder that’s way too small.

There are always 2 layers to my pot holders. So after you get your first side the size and shape you want it, make another one. It doesn’t have to be the exact match of the first one. It can just be one color. Make it as close to the size of the first one as you can. After all, these are going to be used as “Trivets” too. A Trivet is something you sit on your counter to put a hot pan on. Another reason to make them good and thick.

After you get the second side done, lay one on top of the other and figure out how you want to crochet them together. In the first photo, I’ve Slip Stiched the 2 sides together on both pot holders because one side was just a smidge bigger than the other. This works out great! In the second photo, I did a single crochet stitch clear around. Both layers were close enough in size, so I simply crocheted singles through both layers.

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Stitches used: double crochet, single crochet, slip stitch

In the photo above, I used a basic shell to crochet the 2 sides together. For the brown one on the left, I added a slip stitch row just to play around with it. As far as weaving in the ends; I insert my hook in between the 2 sides and near the middle of one side. Which side doesn’t matter. Work the hook through those sides up to where there’s a hole at the tail of the yarn. Yarn over and pull the tail in between the sides. Give your pot holder a stretch and the end of the yarn should disappear inside. If not, pull it just a little tight, snip off the end and then give it a stretch and your tail will be pulled inside the potholder. Don’t worry, I’ve not ever had one come apart on me in all the years I’ve been making these.

I work with a lot of bachelors or gentlemen who are the cooks in their homes. Every single one of them are shocked at these simple pot holders. The comments always seem geared around “it’s actually BIG enough for my hands”!

You can’t buy these in any stores, they’re easy to make and last forever. I use acrylic yarn and have not had an issue with them scorching from a hot pan. If you get “whatever” baking goo on them just pitch them in the washer/dryer and call it wonderful!

That’s it my babies! Use your imagination and as always HAVE FUN!

Indian Summer

By Sarah Floyd

Fall is my favorite time of year.  My little crock pot comes out from where it’s been hiding in the bottom of a cupboard.  I think about the first thing I’ll make in it.  This year it was a coffee pot roast with carrots, onions and potatoes.  Good old fashioned comfort food, the type that fills you completely and warms you from the very inside of your belly.

For me, fall really starts after our first hard frost.  A frost so hard it makes every thing look as though it’s been dusted with powdered sugar.  On these mornings, the air is so still and quiet;  I can hear a leaf landing on the gravel in my driveway.  The deer standing in the valley below my house make huge white clouds from exhaling their breath.

My dad always called this “Indian Summer”.  He said it was the sunny days after the first frost of the fall. These autumn days are beautiful.  Bright sunshine and cool, crisp, temps that make a person put on an extra shirt and a cap when completing those fall chores.  The bright sun shining onto the Big Leaf Maple trees seems to make them glow with the golden colors of fall.

Enjoy the indian summer in your part of the world.  Break out that crock pot and prepare a yummy, heartwarming slow cooked supper.

The loss of my security, my fat

By Sarah Floyd

10/18/2018

I’ve always had a weight problem, genetics has not been kind to the women in my family.  I was born in 1966, spent the 1970’s in elementary school and the glorious 80’s in high school.

“Fatty Fatty two by four, can’t fit through the bathroom door!” was what I was greeted with when I was in the lower grades.  This was always followed by my braided hair getting pulled by  the little shits that were teasing me. I would get mad and start to cry; but would always say something smart back to them or sometimes whack the kid teasing me.

I remember thinking during my pre-teen years in middle school, “If I can just stay at 135lbs like I am now, I’ll get older and be the same size as everyone else.”  Great plan! Didn’t work worth a damn.  I got into high school and ballooned up to 185lbs.  Although I was still teased a bit, it wasn’t as vocal as it had been in the elementary  and middle schools.

I wasn’t beautiful, but I cleaned up o.k.  I learned what Aqua Net was and how to rat my hair and managed to “almost” blend in.  My sophomore year found me with my first love.  A boy who was shy, played on the JV football team and for what ever reason saw something in me, he thought was worth spending time with.

I don’t remember why we broke up, but he always stayed my friend.  After graduation, we all got busy with adulthood and  lost touch with each other .  In 1994, that shy boy committed suicide.  He had hung himself in his garage and one of his kids had found his body.  My first love was dead and I was heartbroken.

In the late 1970’s, we had a “JC Penny’s Catalog Store” in our town.  These stores were actually tiny little shops.  You went in  and stood at a counter with a Penny’s catalog.  When you picked out what you wanted the attendant would place your order for you and when it came in, you’d get a call to come into the store and pick the item up.  I know… I can’t imagine shopping that way anymore either, especially with endless shopping on the internet right there, from the comfort of your home.  AND you don’t have to get dressed in your good clothes to go the other room and do your online shopping.  In the 1970’s, it  meant you changed out of your play clothes, got dressed in your good, clean clothes and went to town.

I always hated shopping for clothes.  My mom usually made our clothes for us.  She used a lot of that gawd awful bullet proof polyester that was so popular then, but I didn’t ever see a size, nor did I get looked up and down by an uppity catalog store clerk.  At the Penny’s catalog store, the lady took my measurements, in front of everyone in the whole damn store, and told my mother in a condescending tone “Well, she’s just going to be a ‘Chubby’ size. She’s not into women’s sizes, but it’s close.”  Mom shot her a look and we continued to look at blouses in the catalog.  I found a dark green velour v-neck blouse and it was with-in the amount my mom had told us to stay under.

As my mom was placing my order, the uppity clerk commented on the style of blouse, she told my mom the length was not long enough to hide my being on the chubby side.  She shot her another look, this time a bit more stern with almost squinting eyes.  She was silently warning her “Back off, or you’ll get a mouthful of filth.”  I pretended not to hear what the attendant had said.  We finished at the store, headed home, I got changed back into my play clothes and went about messing around in my tree fort.

I think during all of those years I got hardened to the way people would look at me, or speak to me;  not really engaging in conversation with me, but instead saying enough to be polite and then heading off to somewhere or someone more interesting.

As odd as this sounds, I started to become secure with my obesity.  I’ve lost and gained at least 200lbs and every time I become a thinner version of myself, people start telling me how good I look.  “Wow!  Look how pretty you are!”, “You are looking SO good!”, “How much have you lost?”.  My thoughts every time someone makes an exclamation of how wonderful I look, instantly go to, “Holy Shit!  How awful did I look before?! ”

I do get that nano second of “way-to-go” thoughts, but then I go back to feeling that insecure feeling that comes every time I lose weight. People start talking to me more, they seem more interested in talking to me.  It’s an uncomfortable feeling and my mind starts to obsess with thoughts of “why is this person taking the time with me now that I’ve dropped a couple pounds when before I lost weight, they wouldn’t give me the time of day!”.

It kind of turns into a never ending cycle. Gaining weight and becoming someone who is looked “past”; seen, but not really seen. Then losing the weight and realizing people start to pay attention.  Getting older, for me,  has helped quite a bit as far as people being judgemental.  It seems with age comes acceptance.  I have had the pleasure of meeting people who have been accepting of me at different times during my life.  I truly appreciated each and every one of those people.

Now, in my 50’s, I’m losing weight again.  The same feelings of a “Sunken-in” sensation when I wake up and start to move around.  The feeling of my clothes loosening.  Seeing the expression on people’s faces as though I look different, but they can’t put their finger on what that difference is.

For me, my security starts to take a dive.  I know I’ll have to start talking more to people.  I’ll look different and will get “those” comments from kindhearted, well meaning people who have no clue how their words of congratulations are actually affecting me.  The sudden positive comments coming from what seems like every direction can be very overwhelming for me.

This is why I often think of my fat as being my “Security”.  It protects me from over-stimulation from the people around me, from strangers who now “see” me instead of looking through me.

I have a great personality and, as my late father would say, I was “vaccinated with a phonograph needle”, meaning I could talk a blue streak.  I don’t think I’ve ever met a stranger; I can strike up a conversation with most anyone who is interested.  The funny thing is, as soon as I start losing weight, I don’t “look” for those people who are interested in talking.  It’s not as easy for me, it’s as though I don’t want the attention drawn to myself.

So here I go again; on my way down to whatever weight I end up at this time.  Usually my goal weight is one that allows me greater ease of movement, a healthier and more energized version of me.  My doc will be tickled pink and my psychologist will look at me with her little sideways grin and squinting eyes, telling me how interesting I am.  She’ll tell me with the wave of her one of her little bamboo and paper type fans how she has never had anyone have that issue before.  I’ll giggle at her and grab a burger on the way home. I’ll think about how good I feel and how if I ate that burger I would feel awful from all the grease and gluten I’ll be eating.  That thought lasts about a minute.  I happily bite into my burger, enjoy the juiciness of this heart attack on a bun.  I can worry about the outcome later.  Maybe the real reason I give in and have the burger is the thought it will make me safe as I have one after another and begin to gain my weight back.

I wonder sometimes why people don’t ever say “Wow! Look how good you look with a few extra pounds”, “It’s nice to see you’re back into your plus sizes.”.  Maybe people don’t make comments like this as it’s not polite.  Maybe they feel they would be encouraging a defeat; one in which the person who has gained the weight back is suffering due, to the fact the pounds are packing back on.

I guess it’s a double edge sword, like many things in our lives can often be.  We each deal with them differently than most people would.  But those differences are what make each of us unique.

The next time you see a friend or family member who  has lost weight, try to be a bit less excited for them.  Tell them quietly how you feel.  Let it be a private moment between the 2 of you.  No matter what, love that person unconditionally and let them know it.  Big or small, let them know you love them.

 

 

 

You got no Fetchin’ up!

SHORT READ

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Her name was Ruthie Maude.  She was in her early 60’s and a slight little thing with a sharp tongue and deep Southern accent. Born and breed in Arkansas she was  a “God-fearin’” woman.  She smoked “More Cigarettes”;  you remember the ones, they were the long, brown skinny ones.  She preferred the menthol kind.  She would lite them off the butt of the last one, a chain smoker.

Ruthie was married to my Uncle Pogo’s brother Dow. Both men had “real” names, but these are the names I grew up hearing from my dad.   She was one of my greatest influences when I was 16.  She and Dow were “Snowbirds”, meaning they would travel from Washington down to Arizona in the winter, Then back to Washington in the spring time.  Like many other Snowbirds, they pulled their house behind them.

While sitting under the Big Leaf Maple where their house was parked on Uncle Pogo’s place, I would sit in a comfy lawn chair with Ruthie Maude and the other old timers who were both family and friends and listen to their stories.

I loved sitting in the warm breeze of summer, with the bugs zipping around us and the smoke from those long, brown cigarettes wafting around.  Ruthie Maude was an extrovert.  She was forever injecting funny and endearing Southern sayings in everything she talked about.

“I’m fixin’ on….”

“You ain’t never gonna ….”

“I’m PLUM worn out!”

“Bless your heart” and many more I can’t think of at the moment.

Of all the sayings Ruthie Maude had, my favorite was “You ain’t FETCHED up right”, “You got no Fetchin’ up”, You gotta fetch ‘em up right…”.

“Fetchin” didn’t just mean “to go get something”.  To her and others from that region of the United States, it meant the way a child was raised.  If a child or adult did something she didn’t think was polite, she would stand her little thin self right straight in front of you and say with a hand on her hip “You got NO fetchin’ up!?  I tell you what, right then and right there, she had your attention!  Then her serious face would melt into a smile and she’s start to belly laughin’.  It was so contagious.

I think about the people who have influenced my life and helped to shape me into the woman that I am today.  As I sit and write this, I can see her clearly laughing, smoking and telling stories from her days as a bare-footed, knock-kneed kid in Arkansas where her dad worked in the Cole mines and suffered from Black Lung.  Talking quietly about her brother “Bud” being one of the soldiers to die during the Bataan Death March after the fall of Corregidor during the WWII.

So many people help to shape our lives while we are being “fetched up”.  Do you remember any of the people who influenced you while you were growing up?

A Pot Hole in My Road Of Marriage

A LONG READ

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A big burly man rolled out from under a vehicle on a creeper.  He let the biggest fart I have ever heard in my life, his face expressionless as he looked at me, he rolled back under the rig to finish whatever mechanics task he was working on.   I thought that was the funniest thing ever.  I laughed to myself and tried not to let anyone, including this new employee that I had never met, know that I was about to burst with belly laughs from it being so funny.  I was hooked.  Just like that, my heart belonged to this unknown man on a creeper, who farted.

My mom had just passed in February of that year, in 2007.  It had been a hard couple of months after she had gotten sick.  She went to the hospital on Christmas Eve 2006 and had declared that she was on her way to heaven.  She was ready to go home and it took nearly 2 months for her to get there.  My Sisters and I supported her decision knowing her medical condition was one she would not survive.

I had been alone with my 2 big dogs and a double wide on my family’s property.  After a broken marriage of an unfaithful, mentally and physically abusive husband and 2 tries at shacking up with men who were both unfaithful and would NEVER be a real part of my forever life, I decided that being single was better than the continuing the heartache I had suffered along with the horrid depression that came with it.

My life became my own.  I didn’t make a whole lot of money in my job, but it kept the bills barely paid and dog food in the bowl.  I learned how to control my depression.  I was feeling good and really wasn’t looking to meet anyone.  I was more interested in my fishing hole, my dogs and my job.

May 2008:  Enter big 6’8” burly man.  After the epic fart he had let I was in La-la land pretty much the rest of the day.  I didn’t know what to think, he had just hit me like a ton of bricks.  I got to know him and like him even better.  The smell of Old Spice that wafted around him.  He was so handsome, his full mustache, his quietly funny demeanor and the little bits of thick chest hair that stuck out of his t-shirt teasing me, wanting me to see more of it.  Yep, plain and simple I was “Twitterpaited”, I had the “Vapors” and I had been bitten by the big man bug.

One afternoon as we were walking out to head for home, he showed me a mini photo album of an old ’55 Ford Pickup he had lovingly restored,      He asked if I had any hobbies and I told him how much I liked to fish amongst my other interests.  For a second I thought I saw a twinkle in his eye.  We visited   a while longer and both head for our respective homes.

His fishing pole was in the back of his truck and I asked about it. He had been fishing on his way home in the evenings.  I asked if he would like me to show him a better fishing hole and he said “Yes”.  It was so nice to have someone to fish with.  I had certain ways I rigged my pole and was afraid he would take over and tell me what to do or worse yet, do it FOR me.  He didn’t, he rigged his pole and used his bait and I did the same.  I had made chicken strips and we sat fishing, visiting and munching on chicken strips.

After a couple more weeks, I asked him for dinner.  I wanted to demonstrate my prowess in the kitchen by cooking him a rotisserie turkey breast.  He was on time and my turkey breast wasn’t.  OH, GOD NO!  Things did not go exactly as I had imagined them but the conversation and company were wonderful.  He stayed a couple hours and then it was time for him to go home.

I told him I wanted to see more of him, that I would like us to date and he TURNED ME DOWN!  What?? How could this happen!?  As he was getting into his truck, I burst into tears.  This made him feel horrible.  “Well now I feel like an Asshole!”  All I could think was how in the hell I had let this happen.  Not only did I feel horrible for making this wonderful man feel bad, but I had read him all wrong.  I just could not believe it.

The next few days at work turned out to be fine.  He and I were still visiting and joking around.   We went to our fishing hole and would fish.  After a couple times our fishing chairs were closer together.  Then one day out of the blue, he reached over and held my hand.  It had taken me by surprise as I had set it in my mind that having a friend was better than not having him at all.  That wonderful moment ended quickly when a fish hit one of our rods.  It was a fun afternoon and will be burned in my memory forever.

So began a love affair that was more than I could have expected.  He told me I was a book he “Just couldn’t put down” that he knew “what” would make me happy (pointing at his ring finger and grinning).  We were both caught up in a continual wave of happiness and contentment.  Less than a year later, we were married in our fishing hole.  It was a small, very simple ceremony with only a few family and friends.  Standing on the bank where we fished so much, where we held hands for the first time and now, where we had shared our marriage vows of a happy life and love together.

I wrote him love notes and hid them in his lunch box.  I drew hearts on bananas for him to find later in his day.  He would surprise me with little things like fishing lures, or flowers.  We laughed and we loved and we fished.

Then the first challenge started.  The job my husband had, at my work, was falling apart for him and I.  He was becoming slightly harassed and unhappy around the people we worked with.  It was horrible for him.  I was increasingly defensive about this happening to him.  With great thought, we decided the best thing for him to do was to resign.  He went to work for a local farm, but the pay wasn’t great, there was no insurance but on a happy note he enjoyed his work with the animals and machinery.

After months of making ends meet, trying to find him a new job with better benefits and wages; he went to work at a manufacturer who offered the things he had been looking for.  The greatest downfall was the length of time and amount of traffic he had to deal with.  Long hours on top of thousands of people trying to get home to families meant an exhausted and sometimes grumpy hubby.  Some of his co-workers started showing true colors of jerks and lazy “Job Milkers” You know the type, the ones that take all day to finish a task that would take a normal person an hour.

I remember thinking “we have to get him out of there”.  He was not about to quit a job without another one.  I know now his thinking was of the most honorable kind and that was “I have my wife to think of”.  I don’t think I really took this as seriously as I should.  He went through countless hours of unhappiness for me.  He had “Us” to take care of.  He and I, our world, and he was willing to go through 12 hours of hell every day to make sure he our world and life were protected.

Then the day that changed our lives forever.  July 25th, 2011, 9:30 am.  I was rear ended by a lady who was driving distracted.  She forced me into oncoming traffic where I was hit head on.  The impact sent my dog up into the air and glass from the back window flew forward.  The dash board was broken from my knees hitting it as was the seat.  I couldn’t breathe, my chest and knees felt as though they were on fire.  I grabbed for my phone and called for my husband.  No answer. I left a hysterical message and tried again.

I had forgotten my husband was already at the hospital.  He was there in the surgical waiting room, waiting to hear how his mom did after her knee surgery.  Nurses from the ER entered the room and asked him if I was his wife.  “Yes, but she had a doctor’s appointment this morning.”  They told him “We have her in the Trauma ER, she’s been in an accident.”

Days of working, caring for his mother and wife must have been exhausting.  But he did it with no complaint and nothing but the thought of “I have to take care of them”.  9 months I was laid up.  My broken bones all healed up, my surgeries were done.  I had gained about 70lbs and my nemesis depression was creeping back in on me.

We started to fish again and try to get things back to normal.  He was taking classes nights to get his Maintenance Electricians License and still working 12 hour days.  I think about it now and realize how much he was putting into his life and into us.  How in the world did he do it?  I remember asking him how he was doing with various things that were happening and he would always reply “You just gotta do it”.

We started to stay home more, we both started not seeing friends as much.  We were together constantly and surviving; that was it, plain and simple, just surviving. He was losing so much weight, I would bake like a crazy woman to try to get him to eat anything I could get down him.

Last summer he became increasingly grumpy and irritable.  He wasn’t feeling good.  That fall he had his gallbladder removed.  Other than a broken ankle in High School, he had been a pretty healthy man.  Other medical conditions came to light while dealing with his gallbladder and after being bounced from Doctor to Doctor with each one saying telling him he had “this or that” issue that were not quite bad enough to be surgically repaired; he started to fall deeper into what I believe is depression.

I asked time and time again, if he was ok and would always get the answer “I’m fine, just tired”.  I would ask him how he felt and he would tell me he was in pain.  Worry and anxiousness started to be an everyday part of my world.  I found myself with little to no energy, crying at the drop of a hat.  Slowly starting to lose faith in a man whom I had always trusted.  I could NOT understand why we couldn’t get him help.  One of the surgeons we had talked to told him to come back in a few months if he had no relief and he would repair a hernia (that turned out to be a birth defect) that could be the cause of his constant pain.

Then one day, he talked about a new friend, a lady at work, explaining  that he was like a big brother to her.  My already fragile and unstable mind went into a tail spin.  “He is making eyes at someone else”.  My rational brain knew this was absolute crap, he would NEVER do that to me.  My husband is so old fashioned in his beliefs that any type of cheating would not be tolerated. We would have conversations about acquaintances who had behaved that way and neither of us believed in it.

His fuse was short, to say the least.  He was snipping at me more and more.  If I asked if he was mad, he would answer me with an irritated “No.” Oh Please sweet Jesus.  Take care of my beloved husband, hold him in your loving arms and heal him.  Bring him back to me, let him call me “Pretty Girl” and give me that goofy face that made me laugh. I pray these things in Christ precious name, Amen.  Every night I would pray this prayer.

I wanted to grab him and shout “Snap out of it!”, “Wake up!”, “You’re in trouble!”   But I didn’t.  I DIDN’T, I couldn’t.  I HAD to keep him as stress free and comfortable as I could. I had to protect my husband from feeling worse than he was already.  I reassured him so many times that I would be there for him no matter what, that he wasn’t alone, that we would fight this together.  I greeted him every evening as cheerfully as I could.  I asked how his day was, told him to drive safe and always “I love you”.

We would have moments of brief reprise when we would work on a project together or sit quietly watching TV or even on our phones.  We had not fished for months.  We had talked of camping, but had not gone.

We were both becoming sicker.  Him with his physical illness and I with my depression.  My inner strength was nearly gone.  My eating and depression were spiraling out control quickly. It was becoming harder to control my brain, to keep it centered, to keep my mind clear.  It all came to head one Saturday morning.  I had innocently ordered a hose reel from a local hardware store.  When I told him about going over to pick it up.  He became angry and he snapped at me about buying it, that he didn’t know about it first, that to just go ahead and “get the fucking thing”.

Months of hurt feelings, worry, stress and building depression exploded in my brain.  I couldn’t function, my mind wouldn’t work; and the tears were uncontrollable.  I could feel my mind breaking.  I was terrified.  He suddenly became very worried and I know he realized I was in real trouble.  Not knowing how to help me, I know his heart was racing and he was scared.  After a few hours of my mind being out of control, I started thinking “oh God, I have to make the house safe.  I can’t trust myself” I asked my poor broken husband to take the shot guns out of our home.  Was I going to hurt myself?  I do NOT think so, but in my mind, I had to be safe, to make sure my husband knew there was nothing there that could hurt me.  This is it, this is the straw that broke my “Camel’s Back”.  I had broken down mentally, I had failed my husband, I had failed myself.

This was also his breaking point to.  The next weekend, he broke down.  Through a tear streaked face and broken heart and spirit, he could go no further.  It was the hardest thing he’d ever done he said.  He needed time.  He needed space and he needed to find the happy man he used to be.  He was going that weekend to stay with his mom, in our camper.  She was recovering from a tough knee replacement and needed him to help her.  This was the right time for him to break away.  To find himself, to figure out how to live, how to love and how to  come back from the ashes of a broken spirit.

Space…how do you give someone space that you have worried, protected, loved and adored for so long?  I have to, WE have to.  I wish with all I have I had known how desperately lost he was feeling.  I wish I had looked into him harder, deeper into his soul.  I wish we BOTH would have communicated better.

Now the time of giving space and soul searching begins.  I can’t bring myself to stop texting him “Good Night”.  He seems to want to talk more. I make certain I am cheerful and happy when I see him to help him from worrying about how I am.  I have to quit cutting him off when he speaks.  We both are so desperately broken.  I miss him so very much.

Take the time to nurture your spouse.  Take the chance to tell them they are in trouble, as they probably don’t realize it, just like my husband didn’t.  Even I didn’t realize how much trouble I was in.   Take care of yourself.  Never take for granted the other person will always be there; the start of the slippery slope is not communicating.  It’s not enough to say, “I love You”, you have to show it every day.  Sometimes you can’t always work your problems out on your own.  In a marriage, you are a team.  Teams have to work together.

I hope, as I’m sure my husband does, that we can sort all of this out.  That “absents makes the heart grow stronger”.  Dear Jesus, give us both the strength to live through our days while away from each other, guide us on the path you want us on.  Carry us and most of all hold us in your loving arms so that we may weather this storm.  Help me dear God, to clear this Pot Hole in my road of marriage.

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My Cat Eye glasses from the 70’s

It was 1973 and I got my very first pair of glasses.  The ever popular “Cat Eye” glasses.  By this time, the era of these adorably ugly plastic glasses had nearly run it’s course.  But not for me!

I was SO excited to pick out my very own glasses after my eye examination with our local Ophthalmologist, Dr. Alm, a dear man who was quiet and gentle.  With some help from the nurse and my moms approval, I settled on a beautiful pair of blue, marbled frames.  They were a baby blue with pearl white wisps through them.

My beautiful picture

On a hike near Mt. St. Helens in the mid 1970’s

 

The nurse made the necessary notes on the prescription and said they would be ready in a week or two.  It seemed like it would take forever for the lenses to be made for them.  I couldn’t wait for my mother to get that call from the eye doctors nurse, telling her that my glasses were ready to pick up!

Finally!  I was sitting at the little fitting table where the oval mirror stood with it’s spotlessly clean looking glass.  The nurse got out her pliers, dipped the ends of the ear part into some sort of magic warming sand (so the ends would bend easily) and fit them to my head.  She used both hands to adjust them, then asked me to look in the mirror and see how I liked them.

My beautiful picture

My beautiful picture

They were beautiful!  All I could do is smile when my mom asked “Well?”.  I loved them and couldn’t wait for my friends to see them!

First thing when I got on the bus the next morning, it seemed as though all the kids were looking at me in awe.  One girl said “I wish my mother would let me get cat eye glasses.”  I floated on a cloud the rest of the day. Even my teacher complimented me on them.

Were you lucky enough to have a pair of “Cat eye” glasses?  Tell me in the comments.